Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
