he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
