omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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