It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
