i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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