Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
