fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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