sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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