I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize