I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
