I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
