I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
