i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
