We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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