I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want nice things and good sex
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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