I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
