I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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