I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
