Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
