after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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