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This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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