You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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