Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
