Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."

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(517): View more from Michigan

dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born

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(630): View more from Illinois

This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?

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(512): View more from Texas

I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!

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(616): View more from Michigan

i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them

(1-616): View more from Michigan

its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.

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