so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
