so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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