she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
