The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
