I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize