Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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