GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
