You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
