Got a toothbrush?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
