your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
