its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
