watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Of course I have a pirate flag
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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