My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
