I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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