Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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