So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
