I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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