my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize