So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
