It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
