I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
