i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
