I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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