The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
