also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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