big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
