I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
