So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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