i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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