I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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