I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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