i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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