I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
...so i touched it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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