She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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