i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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