Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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