I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
