if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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