So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
